forbidden things

I was born in 1954; I'm post-modern, I'm female, Ive read the literature and I'm entitled to know what ever I want to know, what ever I want to discover and explore. the exploration of knowledge for its own sake and the pleasure it brings has always been a large part of my life - the functionality of knowledge and information for me is intrinsic; its interesting because I find it so. I allow myself to be the centre of this very specific and highly personalised universe. Its an heuristic universe; I include that which i find interesting and follow those strands of knowledge and information enjoying the intersections and sidetracks - I like to explore this world and expect little of it other than it entrance and engage me.

So I find limitations to my exploration difficult to accept; but what happens when we find something we have no right to, something we are refused access to - I find this difficult to accept. I truly have a problem with it.Which brings me to Sunday morning.

Sunday morning is my flea market morning. I like to wander and look for treasure. This could be as simple as a book or a photograph or something to use to cover a journal. I look for the beauty in the discarded junk of our lives and find it in abundance ((small reference to the Rocky horror Picture Show - a small one but it made me smile writing it down))

I saw a samurai. He was walking down one of the aisles with his woman. I hesitate to say girlfriend because she was more than that. Her physicality mirrored his sublimely as she followed a pace behind him. He walked calmly, arrogantly, completely at home in his surroundings and his world and I was entranced. So much so I walked ahead and took a photo as they wandered toward me.

Wanting more I stopped them and asked to take their photo. She intimated I should repeat my question and I did so; she repeated it to him and he with one clear look answered, 'No'. I bowed slightly and took a step back as they continued walking.

I have a photo I am not entitled to have; an image I was refused. I can deal with that, I have no need to reveal that image but am having difficulty dealing with my resentment at the refusal to allow me what was desired - what I thought I had every entitlement to take and there in lies the issue.